Terms of Warner Bros./Tolkien Lawsuit Settlement Leaked

From The New York Times, September 8, 2009:

Harper Collins and the heirs to the author J.R.R. Tolkien reached a settlement with Warner Brothers in their suit against the studio over payments from films based on “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy, according to statement from Warner, the publisher and the heirs today. The statement did not disclose terms of the settlement.

Nerd World has obtained the terms of the settlement:

Warner Bros. will pay the Tolkien heirs one Arkenstone a year for the next 20 years.

In the film of The Hobbit, Bilbo will be played by Zac Efron.

In the plot of The Hangover 2, the guys will wake up in Lothlórien with no idea how they got there, and are shocked to find a Smaug is in the bathroom.

A 13-episode order on The CW for a combination scripted-improv show called Beorn Your Enthusiasm.

Christopher Tolkien will be allowed to go back into his father’s manuscripts and find: A) Five more sequels to The Hobbit, B) Three more Harry Potter books, and C) A conclusive re-imagining of Superman.

Guillermo Del Toro will have to go on the Peter Jackson diet.

Roac the Raven will NOT talk with the voice of Michigan J. Frog.

All the gold under the Lonely Mountain, plus 10 percent of the merchandising for all Sleepytime Bombur dolls.

Review: Soulo Converts iPad into Karaoke Machine

Karaoke lovers typically fall into two categories: Those who enjoy it, and those whose arms have to be twisted to get up and sing in public. Enter Soulo, a software and microphone kit that can turn an iPad or other Apple device into a karaoke machine. It gives you instant karaoke in the privacy of your own home, or wherever you carry your Apple gadgets. That’s the idea, anyway.

http://youtube.com/churchhatestucker Church

Hello, my Baby
Hello, my Darling
Hello, my dragon Smaaaaauuuuug!
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dennitzio

Did you hear that WB will produce a new cartoon show for Adult Swim called “Tiny Tolkien” that will have 5-to-8-year-old versions of all the LOTR characters getting into all sorts of scrapes and learning life lessons?

I read one treatment involving a wisecracking young Galadriel and a mischievous young Aragorn stealing young Sauron’s chocolate milk during recess. Hilarity ensues when Sauron thinks young Tom (Bombadil) is the one who did it and has young Goldberry tortured by Orcs until honest Young Frodo rescues her with the help of the unpredictable Young Gollum.
eduardojencarelli

I can see why Zac Efron as Bilbo could be played for laughs, but I wouldn’t crack jokes around that. The very idea that it could happen, even if it’s far-fetched, scares the daylights out of me.

I could see The Hangover 2 as a starting point. But I think the Rankin/Bass cartoon is close enough already as it is to that very idea. They all look hungover, especially Gandalf. Ralph Bakshi’s film goes even further, especially with the gay overtones.
gmiverson

Warner Bros. also gets to borrow some of the Dwarves for their own version of Snow White (Sauron was also a part of this deal, they’re putting him in drag and giving him the part of the evil queen, some say he already was).
http://vol1brooklyn.com/2009/09/14/bites-the-tolkiens-get-their-due-people-like-2666-jim-carroll-interviews-that-guy-who-knows-chuck-norris-dennis-cooper-picks-some-vids-and-more/ Bites: The Tolkien’s get their due, People like 2666, Jim Carroll interviews, that guy who knows Chuck Norris, Dennis Cooper picks some vids, and more «

[...] Breaking! Nerd World scoops EVERYBODY and gets the “terms” that Warner Bros. and the family of J.R.R. Tolkien (above) settled on. [...]