Videogame Matchmaker: Ten Blind Dates For Valentine’s Day

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Naming the best videogame romances has been done has been done to death, so we decided to put on our matchmaking hats and focus on the best cross-title hookups that haven’t happened yet (and barring any imaginative fanfic, never will).

1) Master Chief (Halo) & Samus (Metroid)

This couple would need to ditch their armor to consummate the relationship, but their respective hi-tech suits are so sophisticated, maybe they wouldn’t.

2) Princess Peach (Super Mario Bros.) & Dr. Robotnik (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Sorry Mario: it’s clear that Princess Peach has a bad boy complex (why else would she allow herself to be “kidnapped” by Bowser all the time?) so something tells us she’d really hit it off another game mascot’s arch nemesis.

(More on Techland: Sci-Fi Sexy Time: The All-Time Hottest Hookups)

3) Nathan Drake (Uncharted) & Jade (Beyond Good & Evil)

Although Nathan and Lara Croft seem like a perfect match, a better fit for Uncharted’s hero would be the BG&E’s photojournalist/heroine since he had such great chemistry with TV reporter Elena in his own game.

4) Kratos (God of War) & Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

As seen in God of War II, Kratos can get a bit kinky. We’re not sure if Lara is that adventurous, but she would find it hard to resist Kratos’ roots in Greek mythology.

(More on Techland: Love At First Byte: Your Nerdy Valentine’s Day Guide)

5) Yuna (Final Fantasy X) & Niko Bellic (Grand Theft Auto IV)

Yuna sees the good in everyone: a quality that will help get past Niko’s temperamental nature and see his softer side.

6) Sack Boy (LittleBigPlanet) & Pikachu (Pokémon)

Pikachu could be a girl, right? Couples don’t get more adorable than this. Should Pika let loose a stray lightning bolt, Sack Boy has plenty of practice jumping over obstacles.

7) Altaïr (Assassin’s Creed) & Elika (Prince of Persia)

Both hail from ancient periods in history and presumably we’d need a time machine (or maybe an Animus) to get these two in the same room. Even though assassins usually work alone, we think Altaïr would make an exception with Elika, one of the most likable game sidekicks ever.

(More on Techland: Urban Signals: Helping Nerds Get a Little Nookie This Valentine’s Day)

8) Nemesis (Resident Evil: Nemesis) & Sheeva (Mortal Kombat 3)

Vocabulary isn’t either of these villains’ forté (he said: STARRRRRRZ!; she said: YEEEEEEAAHHH!). It goes without saying that any relationship between these brutes would be purely physical.

9) Daxter (Jax and Daxter) & Sunny Funny (Parappa the Rapper)

Daxter’s lame wisecracks rub most people the wrong way. Sunny Funny, a talking flower with a hearty sense of humor (her main squeeze is a rapping Dog after all), might actually enjoy his company.

10) Cortana (Halo) & EDI (Mass Effect 2)

The romantic options are limited for these two artificial intelligences, no matter how much they flirt with Master Chief and Commander Shepard. Their gift of gab makes them kindred spirits. They’re both ladies but we think they were made for each other.

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