It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.
10% ($0 to $8,500)
Magic Milk Straws: $2.50 each
Milk? Yuck. Milk mixed with chocolate? Most delicious. But you don’t have fancy chocolate milk money! You could mix your milk with chocolate syrup but what are you, a cave person? It’s Y2K11 and, as such, you should be drinking your milk through futuristic flavor straws.
Mmmm. Milk through a straw. Choose from chocolate, strawberry, vanilla milkshake or cookies & cream. You get six one-time-use straws for $2.50, so drink your milk and then carelessly throw the straw on the floor.
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15% ($8,500 to $34,500)
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu37pXqrZQc]
The Pocket Chair: $15
This is a chair that holds up to 250 pounds and folds down small enough to fit in your pocket. Hence the name: Pocket Chair. You get two of them for $15, or order the $30, six-chair “party pack”—you know, for your next party.
You will NOT look like a fool pulling a chair out of your pocket and then sitting on it at roughly one foot off the ground. And paying $16 in shipping costs for the $15 two-pack seems totally reasonable. Must be heavy!
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25% ($34,500 to $83,600)
JeanPants Underwear: $62
Sure, you don’t spend $62 on delicates in an entire decade but these underoos LOOK JUST LIKE JEANS.
And as we all know, jean shorts—or “jorts”—are so hot right now. They’re very much in style in every city, in every country, on every continent. As the product page says, “the ‘worn’ denim look is all the rage in Tokyo at the moment, and this underwear adds innovation to that trend by transposing jeans fashion to your briefs.”
They say “at the moment,” but we can all agree that these things have a timeless look that’ll carry on for millennia.
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28% ($83,600 to $174,400)
Official Luke Skywalker Ceremonial Jacket with Medal of Yavin: $132
No better way to earn respect than by wearing the same jacket Luke Skywalker wore after he did all that stuff in space. And you’ll surely find the medal to be quite a conversation piece.
Random coworker says, “Hey Jerry, where’d you get the medal?”
You (Jerry) say, “Pfft. Blew up the Death Star. Doi.”
Random coworker says, “Okay then. Well, we’re having cake in the break room if you’re interested. It’s Linda’s last day.”
See? Exactly.
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33% ($174,400 to $379,150)
The Only Electric Bicycle Build For Two: $3,400
Be the cutest, most advanced couple on the block with this $3,400 bicycle built for two. Unlike ordinary bicycles built for two that are easy to pedal because two people are pedaling, this one’s easy to pedal because it has a built-in 500-watt electric motor. So instead of barely sweating, you’ll just hardly sweat. Unless you exceed the bike’s 25 mile range, of course. Then you’ll be back to barely sweating. Gross!
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35% ($379,150 and up)
Skier Controlled Tow Boat: $17,000
Your vast wealth has come at the expense of alienating all of your friends. No matter! Take friendless water skiing TO THE X-TREME with this $17,000 remote controlled boat.
The 70-horsepower boat is controlled via directional arrows built into the tow rope’s handlebar and is capable of reaching X-TREME top speeds of around 40 miles per hour.
“Who’s driving that tiny boat?!” all the beach babes will wonder. “Surely that’s not a $17,000 remote controlled boat that was purchased by a lonely millionaire to combat a mid-life crisis!”
Shipping adds $700 (not a typo).
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