Paycheck Friday! Purchasing Suggestions for Your Perusal

  • Share
  • Read Later

It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.

10% ($0 to $8,500)

inflatable-fire-hydrant2

Inflatable Fire Hydrant: $15

You’ve finally saved up enough money for your own car, and these jerks (meaning all other car owners) won’t even let you park it outside your building. This is why you can’t have nice things! Or is it?

For just $15, you can ensure yourself a dynamite parking spot just about anywhere—just make sure there aren’t any dogs or cops around. Even cops aren’t that big of a deal—worst case scenario, you’re out $15. But dogs… dogs, man. Dogs do awful things to fire hydrants. Unspeakable things.

alt

15% ($8,500 to $34,500)

e823_lego_ufo_abduction_parts

LEGO UFO Abduction playset: $30

Teach your children the virtues of alien abduction with this $30 alien abduction-themed playset. All the pieces are here!

You’ve got the UFO, of course, the alien, the guy in the hazmat suit, the unsuspecting farmer, two roadblocks and whatever that thing on the far right happens to be? Some sort of probe? That’d make sense. Have fun!

alt alt

25% ($34,500 to $83,600)

bath-palette-relax-tamago-egg-light-3

Waterproof Relaxation Light Ball: $72

You work hard. Well, you work. Okay, you don’t work but sometimes you get tired from sitting upright for too long. Know what you need? A $72 waterproof light orb something-or-other for your bathtub.

I know! Only $72? What’s the catch? You’ll have to supply three AAA batteries. There goes your entire day. Good thing you’ll have a nice, relaxing bath waiting for you when you finally get back home. Shipping only costs $20, though, so that’s a plus.

alt alt

28% ($83,600 to $174,400)

81350

Cashmere Walking Cape: $400

Ah, good day to you, Mistress of the Forest. I see you’ve donned your $400 cashmere walking cape. How regal of you. People in Ireland haven’t worn them since the 19th century but you—you, gentle wanderer—have left us all with no choice but to embrace this cyclical fashion trend.

You slough off Little Red Riding Hood cracks like fallen snowflakes upon your meticulously saddle-stitched garment. Its product page promises that it’s perfect for “blustery moors walks or casual downtown strolls.” That is, until someone develops a commercial district right on top of the moors. Then your walking cape will surely be the talk of the strip mall.

alt alt

33% ($174,400 to $379,150)

autom

Personal Weight Loss Coach: $863 plus $80 per month

As we all know, the best way to lose weight is to sink as much money into a weight-loss program as possible. Have you ever heard of anyone spending money on weight-loss products who hasn’t lost all the weight they wanted to and kept it off forever? Unheard of!

In that spirit, this $863 weight-loss robot will act like a touchscreen tablet wherein you enter things you’ve eaten and what you’ve done for exercise. There’s a service fee of $80 per month, too. If you can think of a touchscreen tablet that costs less than $863 and doesn’t carry an $80-per-month service charge, I’d sure like to hear about it.

alt alt

35% ($379,150 and up)

11894

The Lean Mean Green Machine: $75,000

Dear Sir or Madam: You have many monies. I urge you to spend some of those monies on this product. I’m sure you have a garage full of exotic automobiles, but do any of them look like a giant green Big Wheel?

That’s exactly what this thing was modeled after. Except instead of using your pudgy little toddler legs to propel it forward, you sit in it like a classy adult and let its 60-horsepower Harley-Davidson engine take you on a white-knuckled thrillride through your retirement community at speeds up to 50mph.

Do it for the kid in you. And all of us.

alt

More on Techland: Paycheck Friday Archive

  1. Previous
  2. 1
  3. 2
  4. 3
  5. 4
  6. 5
  7. 6