It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.
10% ($0 to $8,500)
MacBook Air Mirror: $8.50
Wow, a MacBook Air for $850, huh? That’s not a bad dea—whup, sorry: It’s a MacBook Air Mirror for $8.50. False alarm. Don’t let that dissuade you, though. You won’t be breaking the bank and you’ll get a chance to feel what other people feel. You know—people with that “disposable income” you’re always hearing so much about. And as a bonus, you can work on your appearance as well. That may eventually lead you to some of that fancy “disposable income” after all. Win-win. Win!
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15% ($8,500 to $34,500)
Thunderclap Alarm Clock: $35
This alarm clock is THE BOMB (Whoaaa! See how I did that?!) Seriously, though, this “Sonic Alert” alarm clock SOUNDS awful (swisssh!).
It really does sound awful, though. It’s got “a 113-decibel ringer that’s as loud as thunder.” Right next to your head, huh? Sounds safe!
And if that doesn’t scare the bejesus out of you wake you up first thing in the morning, there’s also an “included vibrating pad [that] can be placed under a mattress to provide an insistent, bed-shaking tremor that serves as the last line of defense against oversleeping.”
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25% ($34,500 to $83,600)
Grip-n-Assist Mobility Belt: $100
Sure, this thing is designed to help the old and/or feeble stand up, but think of all its other potential uses.
Dancing? Yep. Um, what else? Advanced lovemaking? Surely. Keeping up to four small children close to you in a crowd? Sure beats those silly kid leashes. Actually, I take that back. Nothing beats those silly kid leashes.
Also, please note the look on that old man’s face in the above photo. He’s not saying, “Why thank you, young man!” He’s saying, “So I guess this really isn’t a joke. Nobody can find out about this. Nobody.”
Meanwhile the young guy is like, “Note to self: Cash check then fire agent.”
(via RGS)
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28% ($83,600 to $174,400)
Electronic Dictionary: $215
Well, hello there. My, what a handsome gadget.
It’s a portable electronic dictionary with a color screen and keyboard that only costs $215. If you can think of any other type of device that has a color screen and keyboard, is portable enough to carry around with you on a daily basis, and costs anywhere near $215, then I’d certainly like to hear about it.
That’s before even getting into using it to reference things, too.
As if. Some sort of magical portable gadget that can do all that stuff and more. What’s next? It makes phone calls? That’ll be the day.
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33% ($174,400 to $379,150)
Migraine Relief System: $500
Is there really a cure for the common migraine? Hell yes ther—aaaach! I have to go lie down in a dark room for a bit. Aaaaaooowie-owie-owie-owie.
Where was I? Where am I? Ah, yes. Still at work. Goodie.
As I was saying, this thing wraps around your head and circulates hot or cold water through itself. Also, it inflates. All this for only $500.
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35% ($379,150 and up)
Michael Jackson’s Thriller Jacket: $100,000+
Here’s a common inner monologue you have: “How can I spend all this money I have AND connect with younger generations at the same time?” That IROC-Z you bought certainly didn’t help. And the Trans-Am was even less effective.
What you need is something that conjures up images of one of the greatest musicians in the history of American music, but nothing else. And when people think of Michael Jackson, all anyone remembers is the music. Scoop up that jacket, get yourself a pair of red pants, and—hee hee!—you’ve got yourself more street cred than you’ll ever be able to use in one lifetime.
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