Articles from Contributor
‘District 9’ Banned in District 9
DISTRICT 9, Johannesburg (AP) — In the wake of its recent Nigerian ban, the film District 9 has also been banned in District 9. Citing images of the district’s alien inhabitants as “filthy, violent, cat food-eating bug-monsters,” Hive Drone Overseer Prime Martin Anderson forbid the film’s showing within the perimeter of the penned-off …
Terms of Warner Bros./Tolkien Lawsuit Settlement Leaked
From The New York Times, September 8, 2009:
Harper Collins and the heirs to the author J.R.R. Tolkien reached a settlement with Warner Brothers in their suit against the studio over payments from films based on “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy, according to statement from Warner, the publisher and the heirs today. The statement did
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True Tales of Conversational Vengeance
A few years ago, after a long day spent thinking of new nouns for Homer to say after “Mmm…”, my wife dragged me to the screening of a film directed by a friend. The film was fine. The rough part was the reception.
A room full of strangers is not my favorite social scenario. I prefer a room full of people who already think I’m great. …
Obligatory Marvel-Disney Mash-ups!!!
FINDING NAMOR
HIGH SCHOOL FOR GIFTED YOUNSTERS MUSICAL
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MARY POPPINS
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (HANK McCOY)
THE AVENGER DUMPLING GANG
SKRULL GOOFY
THE INCREDIBLES (already a FANTASTIC FOUR rip-off)
SLEEPING MUTIE
SNOW WHITE AND THE SINISTER SIX
POWER MAN AND LION …
Dead Screenwriters Quiz
Three important screenwriters died recently. Which writer’s work will have the greatest impact on the future of movie-making?
A) Budd Schulberg (On the Waterfront)
B) John Hughes (Ferris Beuller’s Day Off)
C) Blake Snyder (Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot)
The answer, in the pattern of how these things always go, is C) Blake …
Bad Acronyms
On August 7, an action movie, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, opens against a cooking movie, Julie and Julia. To update the franchise for the new millennium, G.I. Joe now stands for:
Global
Integrated
Joint
Operating
Entity
Days before its release, Julie and Julia has also revealed its new acronym:
Jolly
Upper middle …
The Old Man and the C (Comic-Con)
I’ve been to 13 Comic-Cons. And every year I go back, I get this crazy feeling. It’s a combination of exhaustion and déjà vu and girls in costumes that warps me into a headspace where I believe that Comic-Con is my only true existence. The rest of my life – the other 364 days – seem like a dream. What I think of as “Real …
Can I Post From an iPhone on a Moving Train?
Trailer Outbursts
The following outburst was yelled after the trailer for The Time Traveler’s Wife:
More time travel! Less wife!
A Real American Hero
Dick Cheney testifies before the United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence regarding a top secret counter-terrorism program whose existence he allegedly hid from Congress:
Dianne Feinstein: Mr. Cheney, this is truly astounding. You knew of a mysterious program whose mission was so important you hid its very existence …
Old Comedy Never Dies
Commentator John McEnroe, describing Wimbledon champion Roger Federer, who had just won a record-breaking 15th Grand Slam Title:
He looks just maaahvelous, as Billy Crystal said.
This is why comedy writers do what they do. For immortality. To live forever.