Okay, everyone. Settle down. I know you’re all bummed out about the recent series of planet-wide catastrophes. The plagues, the meteor, the tidal waves, the nuclear wars, the other, pointier meteor… What can I say? If you’ve never seen giant piles of corpses, now you have. Big time. Long story short, humanity is teetering on the …
There are a few sticking points to making Ender’s Game — The Video Game a truly satisfying experience.
1) Hooking up the world’s Xbox 360s, Playstation 3’s and Wii’s to an actual functioning robotic space armada which really slaughters billions of actual living alien beings for real as you play unknowingly from your home.
2) Hiding …
Excepts from the Ocala, Florida tax fraud and conspiracy trial of Wesley Trent Snipes:
DEFENSE ATTORNEY: The defense would like to call to the stand… Blade.
PROSECUTOR: Objection. Blade is not a real person, but rather Mr. Snipes in sunglasses and fake vampire teeth.
JUDGE: Overruled. I’ll allow it.
DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Mr.
…
RULE #1: THE PRIME DIRECTIVE — It is unacceptable to display any book in a public space of your home if you have not read it. Therefore, to be placed on Matt Selman’s living room bookshelves, a book must have been read cover to cover, every word, by Matt Selman. If you are in the home of Matt Selman and see a book on the living room …
Sunday, February 10, at 8 PM, Fox is re-running the comic bookiest Simpsons episode ever to have my name on it, a show called “Husbands and Knives.” The plot: the Springfield kids are sick of Comic Book Guy’s abuse, but he’s got the only store in town. Until — a new comic book store opens across the street, run by a NICE comic book …
Continuing a breakdown of interesting (to me) nerdy tidbits about the “new comic book store” plot of The Simpsons episode, “Husbands and Knives.”
Let’s talk about Jack Black. We’ve had a lot of amazing guest stars on The Simpsons. But Jack Black deserves a special place in the pantheon, for going above and beyond the call of …
Continuing a breakdown of interesting nerdy (to me) tidbits about the “new comic book store” plot of The Simpsons episode, “Husbands and Knives.”
• One of the strengths of The Simpsons is our ability to get away with referencing extremely esoteric chunks pop culture. I’d been looking for a way to sneak Tintin on the show for a long …
Greetings, horrible homo sapiens! It’s me — the marvelous mutant known as The Toad! I can’t wait to get my $600 tax refund check from the government! To the Cherry Hill Mall I will hop in a hurry! First on my salacious shopping list — a new leather jerkin, with a more magnificent Medieval neck piece! Then, perhaps a pernicious …
Here’s a fun, anti-social game to play at parties with your introverted friends instead of meeting new people. It’s called, “Who’s Read The Most Books On The Shelves?” This game is awesome. If you only know one person at a party, it can suck up just enough time to leave the party feeling like you at least tried to have a life.
Here’s …
In the ever-raging battle for internet eyeballs, here’s a Yahoo News headline that probably grabbed more than a few:
REAL DEATH STAR COULD STRIKE EARTH
Wow, that is a big story. An actual man-made, planet-sized, battle-station could attack planet earth, just like in Star Wars. That certainly pushes the Hilary and Obama mudwrestling …
The Summer Movie Season is now in spitting distance, and this year’s slew of lumbering mega-movies is plodding clumsily into view. But before everyone picks apart the (presumable) goofiness of big-budget behemoths like Speed Racer and The Incredible Hulk, let’s think back to four years ago, when a tiny-yet-sublime scrap of summer movie …
THE STAR WARS EMPEROR’S CLUB V.I.P. — VERY IMPERIAL PALPATINE
Princess Leia — Gold Slave Bikini — 7 Death Stars — 5000 Galactic Credits / hour
Princess Leia — Hoth Snowsuit — 3 Death Stars — 1000 Galactic Credits / hour
Aunt Beru — Tatooine Rags — 0 Death Stars — 5 Galactic Pennies / year
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SUPERHERO LAIR …
